1. Gretchen Baretto – Actress/professional fight picker/ “singer”. You can’t sing! Please stop trying! Tony’s billions didn’t help you so nothing can! Spare our ears! They “keep bleeding… keep2x bleeding love.”

2. Kris Aquino – TV Host/Actress/attention whore. Seriously, ABS-CBN should just replace The Buzz with The Kris. I don’t know anyone who is more self-obssessed than this one. They should just let her interview herself one of these days. Her insufferable antics are enough to make one wish the Marcoses had prevailed. Faker than a box of plastic bags, I love how she exploits her personal crises to get what she values most in life: attention! Can you say Histrionic Personality Disorder? Me me me me.

3. Ruffa Guttierez and her mother. – Actress/Fmr. Beauty Queen/International______? – You just can’t get any faker than this one. You get snubbed by some woman because she thought you ran around with her husband back in the day and you have your “classy” mother bitch about it on national television! Just how old are you missy?! Hopefully old enough to realise that the look you had on TV Patrol just didn’t work for you. You’re starting to look a lot like a drag queen. And please, “winning” 2nd runner up in some god-forsaken beauty pageant is hardly anything to harp about, nor does it qualify you to give advice. Did that gramatically-challenged girl even ask you for one? Nobody even remembers who won when you competed, let alone who came in 1st or 2nd runner up. Oh and remind me.. what year was it again?

4. Richard Gomez – Actor/Failed politician/Has-been – Did you really think that Filipinos were THAT stupid to elect another intellect-deprived actor to public office? You have way too many political opinions. I just wish you could substantiate them with real facts. Maybe then, I’ll have more respect for you. Not!

5. Dolphy – Actor/Comedian – Slapstick comedy died with Chaplin and The 3 Stooges. Not only is hitting people (especially lesser known/paid actors) with tsinelas no longer funny, but it is also downwright INHUMANE and just incredibly barbaric. This isn’t Ancient Egypt; slavery is so passe and so is physical cruelty.

6. Willie Revillame – TV Host/Alleged game show cheat and wife beater/ Tearless cryer- Dude, stop acting like you’re so generous and that you sympathise with the poor contestants on your show. It’s NOT YOUR MONEY you’re giving away! It’s the network’s and the sponsors’ and you get a whole lot more for doing it!

7. Sexbomb Girls – Softcore porn dancers/ “actresses” – Please just stick to gyrating your hips. Nobody really wants to see you act or hear you talk about your group issues. Thats not what people are paying to see. Gets?

8. Janina San Miguel – Beauty Queen/Murderer of the English Language – Please don’t apologise for being nervous and lying about it. Everyone gets nervous and everybody lies. Apologise for having parents who didn’t encourage you to study harder because you were pretty and for hanging around too much in the cafeteria instead of taking that English Elective class in high school.

9. Regine Velasquez – Singer/Actress – Please, we already know you can hit those high notes. Now please return to ACTUALLY singing. If you call yelling out Mariah Carey songs at the top of your lungs every chance you get music, then our neighbours’ dog’s wailing is the height of operatic art. You sound better in Filipino originals! And if you sing them enough, maybe you’d influence your copycatting minions to do the same and Filipino songwriters would be encouraged to write more songs and we can have AUTHENTIC OPM music again, not rehashed or rearranged versions of old songs from the West. Urgh!

10. Karen Davila – “Journalist” – Can you imagine Christiane Amanpour crying over a dead presidential candidate’s widow’s ranting? Katie Couric or Meredith Vieira perhaps? I wonder where she got her journalism degree. Have you ever heard of JOURNALISTIC OBJECTIVITY? (fairness, disinterestedness, factuality, nonpartisanship ring a bell?) Just pathetic.

If you think other Pinoy celebs are more annoying than these folks or know others who are just generally annoying, please feel free to nominate them.